Life is such a beautiful, complicated and strange thing that God has blessed us with. Each day we wake up, hoping to embrace only the good things that lie within the unknown. We are all unique in one way or another, however we live in a society that says we have to be rich or do something substantially big to be remembered when we leave this life behind. How will the world remember me? This thought perhaps entertained my mind as I laid there in a puddle of my own blood, wondering if what had just happened to me, was something that I dreamt. Though, considering the deathly pain I was in, I figured no pinch of the highest decimal could top what I was feeling, so unfortunately I couldn’t be woken up from the nightmare I wished it was. The nightmare that I dreamed of as a small child was now my adult reality. I had become a victim to a man who in life, hated me because of the color of my skin. Now that’s substantially big! How will the world remember him? Some will say he was a young man that was confused and depressed, and relied on negative influences to make him feel superior and secure. Others will rejoice in his loss, but will have beveling emotions because he decided to take another’s life, before considering his own. What do I say? I’m unsure of what his emotional and/or psychological status was, but there was a lot that could be seen behind the barrel of an old shotgun, besides a young white man who was passionate about what he stood for. There were cries between each line to be read, as he gave a brief speech about Adolf Hitler’s birthday, before calling me a “nigger” and pulling the trigger. Maybe there was a cry for help, but the world was too busy waiting for someone to do something substantially big. Take a look around. The strongest ones are those who society view as incapable. But we are all capable, to do what feels good to the soul, we are capable to love. How will the world remember me? Do I want to be remembered by saving people’s lives? Or perhaps, simply being a follower of Christ. Only if These Brown Walls Could Talk.
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Substantially Big
Life is such a beautiful, complicated and strange thing that God has blessed us with. Each day we wake up, hoping to embrace only the good things that lie within the unknown. We are all unique in one way or another, however we live in a society that says we have to be rich or do something substantially big to be remembered when we leave this life behind. How will the world remember me? This thought perhaps entertained my mind as I laid there in a puddle of my own blood, wondering if what had just happened to me, was something that I dreamt. Though, considering the deathly pain I was in, I figured no pinch of the highest decimal could top what I was feeling, so unfortunately I couldn’t be woken up from the nightmare I wished it was. The nightmare that I dreamed of as a small child was now my adult reality. I had become a victim to a man who in life, hated me because of the color of my skin. Now that’s substantially big! How will the world remember him? Some will say he was a young man that was confused and depressed, and relied on negative influences to make him feel superior and secure. Others will rejoice in his loss, but will have beveling emotions because he decided to take another’s life, before considering his own. What do I say? I’m unsure of what his emotional and/or psychological status was, but there was a lot that could be seen behind the barrel of an old shotgun, besides a young white man who was passionate about what he stood for. There were cries between each line to be read, as he gave a brief speech about Adolf Hitler’s birthday, before calling me a “nigger” and pulling the trigger. Maybe there was a cry for help, but the world was too busy waiting for someone to do something substantially big. Take a look around. The strongest ones are those who society view as incapable. But we are all capable, to do what feels good to the soul, we are capable to love. How will the world remember me? Do I want to be remembered by saving people’s lives? Or perhaps, simply being a follower of Christ. Only if These Brown Walls Could Talk.
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Heart,
ReplyDeleteYou are one of the strongest women I know. And I do know you - sort of - through your father. I can see where your strength and beautiful character come from! I feel like I have gone through your tragedy with him. I know tragedy. I know pain. I know loss. I also know that we are not alone through any of this. All we can do, is keep going one day at a time. It must be strange having someone you do not know keep "tabs" on you from afar; and I do. I think about you often and worry about how you are doing. I ask your father how you are, hoping to hear good news. However, I also know that we cannot go through such negative experiences in life and pretend as though nothing has happened. We find a way to live with it. We find a way to cope. And, we keep going. Do we really have any other choice? I love your posting and am so pleased that you chose to share this. I will remember it always. Please continue to take good care of yourself; so you can care for those you love.
With love and admiration,
Elaine
Jade, thank you for initiating this blog! Thank you for being honest, thank you for sharing your thoughts, but most of all thank you for being you. As I have told you before, you are an angel and one of the strongest people that I know. Perhaps we will never completely understand why this happened, but like Elaine has said many times over, "Maybe, just maybe, we experience these types of events in order to help others that experience similar situations." I will not do this story justice, but I will try...we had a training today regarding ethics. As the story goes, a gentleman was performing a eulogy and explained that he was looking at the headstone of his loved one. As he was studying the dates on the headstone, it became obvious to him that the start and stop dates do not really matter; it is the dash between the dates that matter. Obviously, the first date is significant because this is the date of birth (when it all began) but the last date does not really matter because the life that matters is within that dash. Jade, I think that this story is important to share because I think that each one of us should look in the mirror and say to ourselves, "Am I living my dash in a manner that has a positive influence on others? Or, should I make adjustments to the way that I am living my dash." I want to believe that I am living my dash in a righteous manner. Jade, I am proud of you and I am proud to know your family. And, I am extremely proud of the way that you are living your dash. I will say this, love will conquer all and I wish that more people would participate in loving the most important race...THE HUMAN RACE!! Again, thank you for this Jade. Sincerely, Carl
ReplyDeleteThank you both for your wonderful words of encouragement. It is because of you that I find comfort and joy in entering this new chapter in life as a "blogger." I pray that this blog continues to invite others to share their thoughts and or experiences. Carl, you did bring up a very valuable point about how we live our dashes...How do you live your dashes? What do your dashes symbolize?
ReplyDeleteHello Jade. I am sorry for the delay in my response. We took a much needed vacation and I have been away from the computer. You raise great questions, although difficult for me to answer. I will answer in the best way that I know how. Jade, I am not sure how exactly I live my dash and I am not sure that I am living my dash in the best manner. Again, I am not perfect nor will I will ever claim to be. However, I do hope that when my loved one's and/or friends reflect upon the way I lived out my dash, they make comments like: *He sure lived a life that consisted of integrity, honesty, respect, and was dedicated to respect the point of views of others. *He treated others the way he wanted to be treated. *He sure loved his family. *Carl made every effort to make people feel comfortable to be themselves. *If I needed something, I knew I could count on him. *He spent more time enjoying positives than negative. *He always tried to put others before himself.
ReplyDeleteRegarding what these words symbolize, I guess I would like to believe that people will remember my dash as a person that wanted to help others. I want to make a positive impact on the people that I come into contact with and I would like them to say, "He really took full advantage of the dash that he lived because he made a positive impact on my life."
Jade, I hope that you are doing well. I enjoy this communication and I enjoy being in touch with you. We are sending positive thoughts in your direction. Sincerely, Carl
Wow, that is some dash. I don't know much about you Carl, but from what my Father tells me, I am 100% positive that everyone who knows you will remember you by those things and more!
ReplyDeleteHow do I live my dash?...Well, before this unfortunate event took place in my life, my dash was exuberant! I purposely lived a life that was naive, ignoring the bad things that went on around me. Disregarding things that mad me sad and uncomfortable no matter how oblivious they were to me. I guess I always thought that I was too careful to ever be in a "wrong place, at the wrong tome" type of situation. Today, indeed I have a happy life. And though I remain colorblind, I am more cognoscenti to that fact that other's may not be. I continue to strive to live a life pleasing to God. Continuing to be a good wife to the most amazing man, and a good mother to two beautiful children. I would like to say that my dash symbolizes loyalty. It is so often that people will go through rough times in life and become bitter and cold. I have yet to become this way. And that is all thanks to God and the support system he has provided me. So, I will remain loyal to the person God intended me to be.
How is your family Carl?